


Drowning

by Syubiee



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hueningkai is just being him, Hurt Huening Kai, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Soobin is stressed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 06:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18338525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syubiee/pseuds/Syubiee
Summary: A What If story about how it would play out if Soobin finally loses his temper at Hueningkai for annoying him constantly during fansigns.





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> So in my head, I planned on this being a <1K ficlet.
> 
> I don't know what happened lmao
> 
> Also, fair warning, I wrote this in one sitting. So, if you get bothered by any errors, please let me know down in the comments! :))
> 
> Might change title when I finish it bc I suck at titles just as much as tagging 😅

The venue was packed. Rows upon rows of enthusiastic fans sat on monobloc chairs just a couple of feet in front of the mini stage where they were going to hold their second fansigning event of the month.

Normally, Soobin would have been just as jittery and excited as everyone else. If it was any other day, seeing the fans would have been enough to get Soobin’s blood pumping and fill him with adrenaline, but not today.

He was stressed and still a bit mad at himself for his lackluster performance on the music stage that morning. He made a mistake and the camera captured it. Right after getting off from the stage and into their lounge, he watched with bated breath a recording of their performance. When it was done, he couldn't help but groan.

The other members reassured him that it was barely even noticeable. _We wouldn't even have seen your error if you hadn't pointed it out,_ they would say. And _hey, maybe the fans wouldn't notice it too._ And _even if they did, they wouldn't care as much as you do._

_Seriously, don't worry, hyung. It was nothing. Let's just do better tomorrow._

He appreciated their efforts, really. And maybe he was just overreacting. But he couldn't stop thinking about how he could have done it better.

The other members did perfectly today as well. For every performance, his brothers were getting more comfortable on stage, less prone to mistakes. Yet here he was, feeling the pressure on his chest grow heavier day after day. As if right after every ‘Cut!’ that he hears after every recording, a block of cement is shoved inside his chest, suffocating him and reminding him that he couldn't afford to make an error.

 _I'm the leader,_ he thought with his jaw clenched. _Damn it._

 

One of the manager hyungs tapped him on the back and softly pushed him to walk to the stage where he saw the members were already waving at the fans.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves and put his exhaustion at the back of his mind. He walked up to the members and smiled at the fans. They were cheering and calling the members’ names. The noise inside the spacious room was peppered with frequent clicks and snaps of cameras.

He tuned out the noise and focused on the routine. He led the members for a quick greeting and introductions, both individual and as a group. After that was done, they each took a seat in front of the long blue table that faces the crowd.

Before the first fan approached the stage, he swept a quick glance to the members, checking to see how they were. Taehyun was at the far end of the table, smiling and waving politely at the fans. Yeonjun sat beside Taehyun, grinning and waving more enthusiastically. Then there was Beomgyu on his left, shifting his chair and fidgeting, searching for the most comfortable position.

He looked to his right and found Kai starting at him. When their eyes met, the maknae grinned at him. Seeing his smile was a shot of warmth to his chest. Soobin swore he could almost literally feel some chunks of the weight he's been carrying melt away at the sight of that boyish mischievous grin.

At the sign of one of their managers, fans, one by one, started approaching the table. The first fan was an older lady. Pretty young but definitely older than all of them.

“Hi!” She excitedly greeted Kai as the rest of the members waited. Soobin tried to listen in on their conversation but the crowd in front of them were too loud.

“Beomgyu you look good!

“Soobin-ah!”

“Yeonjun, look here!”

“KANG TAEHYUN!!”

And on the fans’ shouts went.

Beomgyu and Taehyun were talking to the crowd, their voices echoing around the room from their booming microphones. The two of them alternated in answering the questions being thrown out to them.

Soobin just listened, not feeling like talking to the crowd just yet. His muscles ached and sweat was dripping down his back despite the air conditioning. He has always been easy to sweat but more so today.

Their packed schedule and routine wasn't really anything new. They've been busy since the day they debuted. Rushing the whole day every day to get to places, shoot, practice, and change outfits.

He was used to it. However, today, Soobin found coping with the stress particularly hard.

He observed his members and was glad they didn't look as worn down as him. They were their usual cheerful loud selves even though Soobin knows they were just as physically tired as he was.

The signing went on. The cacophony of noises and shouting, the camera flashes, and the speed by which they had to get through each and every fan created the perfect cocktail of stress and anxiety on Soobin.

As the event dragged on, the overwhelming sensations started pressing in on him. He still wasn't used to this kind of chaos. This much attention on him.

By the time Kai called him to get his attention, his heart was beating so fast and loud in his chest. He was having difficulty breathing as if he just ran a marathon.

“-hyung! Soobin hyung!”

“Yes?” He turned to his right and raised his brows questioningly at Kai just as the fan in front of him moved to Beomgyu.

Heuningkai pointed a bubble gun at him and pressed the trigger. A surprising stream and volume of bubbles hit Soobin straight to the face and some got in his eye.

“Ouch! Come on!”

He was used to Kai being annoying, still, he hit Kai with one of the stuffed toys given to him by a fan because the soap did sting his eyes. The brat just laughed. 

The event went on and Kai escalated his antics for every fan that stopped in front of Soobin. Meanwhile, Soobin tried his best not to show his inner turmoil to anyone and especially not to the fans. He smiled, laughed and talked to each fan politely as he felt his racing pulse quicken and the pounding on his head get louder by the minute.

Throughout the event, Soobin tolerated Heuningkai's annoying him. Kai would push a stuffed toy to the side of Soobin's head while he was talking to a fan. Kai would grab the head band he was wearing and in the process, poke his still stinging eye with it. And when he got bored waiting for the next fan, he would push his head along with the big costume hat he was wearing to the side of Soobin's head while Soobin was talking on the microphone.

Soobin had to keep reminding himself that this was okay. He had to calm down, he thought to himself as he smiled a tight lip smile at Kai. He's used to this. He deals with Kai annoying him on the daily.

He managed to control his temper until the end of the fansigning which was surprising as he didn't think he had that much control of himself. He felt almost proud, knowing that despite how shitty he felt today, at least he didn't blow up in front of the fans.

That was, until they got to the car.

 

He settled comfortably in his usual seat and positioned a throw pillow on the back of his head, getting ready to take a nap while their newly employed manager drive them back to the dorms. They've been informed that another manager would be driving on his own car behind them for extra precaution.

Soobin closed his eyes and breathed out. Being away from the crowd, he felt his pulse that has been racing for the last couple of hours finally start to slow. His head was still pounding, though, and his chest still felt heavy. But he could deal with it, he decided. He just needed rest.

He felt and heard the other members get in the car with him, one at a time.

He stopped paying attention to anything and focused on trying to sleep.

He didn't know how much time elapsed since he first consciously felt a member get in the car. But just as he was sure he was entering a dreamscape, the world gradually melting away as sleep overcame him, suddenly—

Someone grabbed the pillow beneath his head.

“HYUNG!”

Cold water might as well have been thrown in his face at the startle he got.

He blinked his eyes slowly, breathing fast. His vision cleared to the sight of Heuningkai’s grinning face just a couple of inches in front of him.

“Were you surprised?” Kai laughed. His voice too loud in the confines of the car.

The initial shock melted away to intense, sharp fury.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Soobin was shocked to hear the slight trembling in his raised voice.

He was so mad he didn't even notice the three other members swing their heads in shock, gaping at their usually composed leader’s explosive anger.

“Can't you give it a rest? Huh?” He ignored the look of sudden fright in Kai's eyes. His voice sounded loud in his ears but he couldn't stop.

It was as if the heavy thing on his chest has liquified and increased in volume at such speed he could no longer contain it. It was filling his lungs and throat. He was drowning from the inside out. His mouth was a broken dam and he could just as well stop his words as he could stop the rain from falling.

He wasn't even aware of what he's saying anymore. He yelled and yelled, jabbing his finger at Kai, who flinched. He yelled about how fucking exhausted he was.How sick he was of Kai’s antics. How scared he was. How annoying Kai could be. And why couldn't Kai let him rest? Is that too much to ask? Couldn't he rest?

He knew he was going on circles. In some parts, he was vaguely aware that he was saying things that didn’t even make sense anymore. But he didn't care. He needed to get rid of the ocean in his chest.

And it was unfair for Kai that he was taking the brunt of Soobin's frustrations. He didn't realize it until he became aware of just how quiet the car has gotten. When he came to, it was just his voice, his words, hanging heavy in the air.

He looked around at the other members. They had their heads turned away from him. But he could see the stiffness in their posture. 

Yeonjun has his head turned to the window, his lips pursed and seemed to be blinking away tears. Beomgyu has his eyes on his lap. Soobin, for the first time, couldn't read his expression. And beside him, Taehyun has his arms wrapped around himself, as if trying to protect himself from a blow. He looked smaller than he usually does.

Soobin turned his eyes back in front of him. Kai had his head down, his fingers clenched tight on top of the pillow on his lap, the one Soobin was using.

Soobin bit his lip when he noticed Heuningkai's shoulders were shaking.

Their Kai was crying. Hard.

Soobin felt as if someone punched him on the gut. He felt bile rise to the back of his throat.

Just as he was about to reach for Kai–to hug him, maybe, and apologize, he wasn't quite sure what he was about to do–the door of the van slid open.

“We're here boys,” their manager announced. Soobin didn't even realize that the van has stopped. He looked at their manager, the one from the car tailing them, and saw that he was busy on the phone, unaware of the tension among the members.

“Go get washed up and get some rest, yeah?” Their manager said distractedly over his shoulder.

Yeonjun, Beomgyu, and Taehyun quickly grabbed their bags and slithered out of the door. Soobin watched them walk faster than usual to get to the building's elevator doors.

Kai made a quick grab of his stuff too, rubbing at his eyes, and avoiding raising his head. When he finally dislodged his dolphin plushie from under his seat, he jumped out of the van and practically ran after the other members.

Soobin moved slower, giving the members time to use the elevator before him. He didn't know how to face them now.

Still trying to process what just happened, he got his bag and waved goodbye to their manager who, as soon as he closed their door, walked back to his own car.

Soobin walked up to the driver’s seat of their van and knocked on the tinted window. The newly employed manager-slash-driver lowered the window halfway through and looked at him with a blank expression.

“Yeah?”

“Um, ” Soobin cleared his throat. “Sorry about...that.”

“I don't know what you're talking about, ” the man shrugged. “I just drive. Get you boys to where you need to be. Nothing more.”

“Oh, ” Soobin let out the breath he's been holding, understanding what the driver was implying. That nothing happened and he wasn't going to rat on anyone. “Thank you. Really.”

The driver shrugged again before starting his engine. Soobin moved back and watched him drive out of the garage.

Soobin turned to look at the smaller car with the other manager and saw that the man has his brows raised impatiently, waiting for Soobin to get to the elevator and up to their apartment so he could leave.

Soobin nodded and hitched his bag higher to his back. He pressed the button and waited for the elevator.

_Ding!_

The doors opened and he got in. He peeped at the closing doors and saw their manager’s car start to drive away.

When the doors shut close, he looked at the rows of buttons. He hovered his finger over their apartment floor.

With a shake of his head and gulp, he withdrew his hand. Hurriedly, he dug through his bag for the oversized hoodie he keeps with him. He prayed nobody would use the elevator before he had a chance to finish.

He changed out of the shirt that matched with the members’ and into the plain dark hoodie. He took out a black face mask he had stowed away in one of his bag's pockets. Then he tucked his head in a cap that hid his eyes from others’ view.

His reflection on the metal doors showed that he still looks very like him. But at least, people probably wouldn't be certain unless they really took a good look.

"Well," Soobin sighed as he studied his reflection. "This'll have to do."

He pushed the button to open the doors and slinked out of the garage, making sure that the manager’s car really has left.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks so much for reading! This is my first attempt at fanfic. hekhek  
> Please do let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> PS. Soobin said Kai is annoying as fuck. I mean, he could be annoying, but Soobin doesn't mean it :(  
> We all know he loves his baby. He's just a stressed out bebi leader.
> 
> PPS. Yes there will be a next chapter, which will be the last :)


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